Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
