I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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