Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize