His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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