his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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