so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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