I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
