Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
