I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
