he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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