Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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