He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
