it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
