This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
