Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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