So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
