Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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