1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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