Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
