i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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