Do you still have your period?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
