This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
