you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
