I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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