I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
