we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
