Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Randomize
