They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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