I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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