Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm both gender and math confused
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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