On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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