I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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