Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
