Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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