Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
