She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
