There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
