Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
