can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
