At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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