his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
