when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just want nice things and good sex
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
