All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
