names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
