Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
