I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
