Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
