It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
