I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize