When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
