Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
