Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
