so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize