dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
