I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
