Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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