I wannas sexs uuuuu
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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