that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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