My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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