Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
