My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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