He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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