i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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