I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
