I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
