And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize