he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
