He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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