i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
