Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
