Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
