Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
