I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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